Pregnancy after infertility: the hidden guilt and anxiety
We were sat down in the pub, and a baby from another table came toddling over, giggling away. They were simply beautiful. They had these huge blue eyes and rosy cheeks. I noticed them and noted the cuteness then became determined to forget about them completely. But this baby was relentless. They came up to my chair, banging on it, garbling away at me. They were so determined to say hello. I couldn’t ignore the cute baby for much longer. I didn’t want to know their name, if they were a boy or a girl, even how old they were. But I felt I couldn’t deprive this cute creature of my attention any more. I turned around a said hi and played some peekaboo then politely asked their mum how old they were. I didn’t listen to the answer. Finally the family’s food came and they moved into another area of the pub. And then the tears came. Hot, fat, unstoppable tears. Jono silently held my hand and I wiped them away on a scratchy napkin. We both knew there were no words. Not long be...